Mi hermano y hermana <3

Iradies and Liliana are two of the most beautiful, spiritual, loving people I have "met". You might be wondering why met is in quotations... well I have not met them in person yet. I get to finally meet them in July! We correspond often, and every time I get a new letter I get so excited and I get an overwhelming warm feeling, that feeling is the passion and love that we share for our Father.

Te amo mi hermano y hermana!

{God's Blogs}

I am adoring this book. I am almost done, and I have only set down twice in the past two days to read it (and you all know how busy my life is!).
With just finishing Reset, this book is a great continuance on that journey for me. It has reminded me that God truly wants us to know that He is our Daddy, and he cares about every aspect of our lives. Some of the "thoughts" that were written in the fiction blog were so funny I would laugh out loud for a few minutes after I read them. I can see God talking this way, to me, to you, to everyone He encounters. He is just as real as you and I are. Just because the old Bibles use the fancy words, doesn't mean we have to. God wants us to come as we are. Broken, tattooed, pierced, loved, scared, and humbled.

I am a sheep

Yes, you might feel like "something" or "someone" is pushing religion or Christianity on you. It's because there is. God is always guiding you, talking to you, and bringing you to decision making points of your life. Whether or not you chose to have the "personal" relationship with your Father or not, the guiding, the whispering in your ears, and directing is still going to happen. He is bringing you to that place where you can decide whether or not you are going to accept or reject what he has been whispering in your ears. I understand that the whispering at times can sound like screaming, but it is because He wants you to truly hear Him not just bypass Him like usual. I bet you hear Him more when your with me because I have chosen to try and surround myself with Him. But you could also be hearing Him from many other people, places, and even signs. God is like a t.v. station. If you don't tune in to that particular station, you won't be able to know what He is saying to you, it will just be static and a black and white screen.

John 10:27 - My sheep hear my voice. I know them, and they follow me.

You need to learn to distinguish what you are hearing. You know what you are hearing, you are just afraid to hear it, you’re ignoring it. I pray that you can finally hear Him. I pray that you can follow Him. I pray that you understand that He is not just a man made deity. I pray that you can understand that this is me, coming as I am, a sheep. That will never change.

Mark Harris - One True God
From the album Windows And Walls

I don't have a God I can put on a stand
Or a God I hold in the palm of my hand
I have a God that's holding me
And I don't have a God that I can create
In the place I live with the money I make
I have a God, He made everything
So I don't need a temporary man made deity
When I got the real thing
I got the real thing

He's the Lord of all the earth
The maker of all things
He alone is the one true God
Kingdoms rise and fall
But even through it all
He remains
The one true God

I don't have a thing that I got on my own
I don't have a care that I carry alone
But I have a God who's carrying me
I don't have sin that He doesn't forgive
And I don't have a heart that is worthy of His
But I have a God who still loves me
So I don't need a temporary man made deity
When I got the real thing
I got the real thing

Who is this King of Glory
The Lord strong and mighty
Who is this King of Glory
The Lord strong and mighty
Who is this King of Glory
Who is this King of Glory

¡Mi pasaporte!

(please don't mind the horrible mess my hair is in, or the redness of my eyes, I have been crying tears of joy)
Ok so I was in tears on Tuesday when I finally got my passport number. Today I am in tears because I finally have my passport in my hands! (¡Estoy hoy en rasgones porque finalmente tengo mi pasaporte en mis manos!)

God is good all of the time, all of the time God is good.

No More Wasted Days

Today has been one of those off days. You know what I mean? One where you want to lay in bed, but it is just too pretty to waste the day? It is one of those days that you should just go riding around in your car (or if your like me your mini van), and jam out to your favorite music while the kiddos "sing" along in the back seat and giggle while the wind blows all around the car. One of my favorite songs to really turn up loud and sing my heart out to right now is by Francesca Battistelli, it is called Free to Be Me. This song fits me to a T. Goodness. There are days I can sing this song and sing it loud and proud, and there are days like today where when i sing it, all I want to do is cry.

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus)

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

(Chorus)

I am the furthest thing from perfection, but God who is perfect seeks me. Me?

He has plans for me, and honestly right now even if those plans that He has made for me were staring me right in my face, I am not sure if I would see them. Those plans are going to be the most amazing plans, and they are going to knock my socks off! But, am I ready? Am I prepared for these plans? He will know when I am ready for them, but what if it is too late on my end?

I am still just a girl, just like the song says. Yes I have 3 God sent children, a loving husband, wonderful friends, but I am still just a kid. "Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring", I am still trying to be Supermom. Yes, I am still battling with it and right now... and that demon is winning.

My jeans are ripped, and my fender has tons of dents. I keep driving off the path that He has laid down for me even though it is just a detour, because my windows are rolled down and my music is blaring and I am still trying to be the 20 year old that I never got to be. But I know that no matter how clumsy I am, and how dented my fender is He wants me to get right back on that path while riding on His shoulders. God will jam out with me, sing praises with me, and remind me that my husband can do the mechanic work to knock the dents back into place.

But the more I sit and mull about it, the more I remember He likes me the way I am. Ripped jeans, tattoos, horrible singing voice and all. When I come to Him during praise and worship with my horrible singing voice and I lift my hands to Him, I am humbled. I am giving my all to Him at that moment. But it should not stop there. It shouldn't stop just because I am having a bad day, or I am feeling sick. It should be more prevalent when I am having a bad day and I am feeling sick.

A couple of years ago when we started the prayer room at Grace, I wrote on the wall "No More Wasted Days", yet I am wasting all of my days not serving Him the way I should. We all are wasting our days if we are not serving Him to our fullest. So here is to a new beginning.

Mis familias en CubA

Yes, I have family in Cub@.
Roberto y Osmary, with their sons Dayan y Daniel.

I don't get to hear form them as often as I used to. But they are still mi familia.
Mi nueva familia en (my new family in) Cub@ es Liliana y Iraides, and their sons Iraidito y Alain Josue.

I get very emotional when I talk about my families in Cub@. They mean so much to me, even though I have not met them in person yet. There are no words to describe how strong our connection is even though we only talk through email and occasionally through a precious handwritten letter. We exchange pictures every so often, and I have sent a video to Roberto y Osmary once, and I received one back. I love watching that video. Their words are so kind, and filled with love.

This summer, I get to go to Cub@. I get to meet mis familias. But this has brought on so much anxiety, so much fear. I have no idea how to speak Spanish. I took 4 years of Spanish in High school. But one of those years doesn't really count since I failed, yes I failed Spanish 2 my sophmore year, and I had to retake it my junior year along with Spanish 3. Do I remember any of this beautiful language? Nope.. the only things I remember are simple colors, numbers, some foods, etc. Not to mention in the classes that I passed, I recieved a C- in Spanish 1, C+ in Spanish 2 (the 2nd time I had to take it), and then a D in Spanish 3. So this worries me. The words, I can so the words but when you through in irregular verbs, regular verbs, definite and indefinite articles etc... boy forget it. I know that we will have plenty of interpreter's and I will have my church family with me as well but I get overwhelemed with the thought of somehow I will not understand anything that anyone is saying. It has already happened to me here while meeting other people from different counteries at a friends house. It is a scary thing. So hopefully with the help of my therapist, and even more so God I can get through this.

As of lately..

Things have been different around here. I have been going through therapy, so has Kyle. It has been good don't get me wrong. But I feel so frazzled sometimes. I can snap at the drop of a hat at the silliest things. But my doctor says he has the right coarse of treatment for me. My anxiety has been kicking me in my tail. But he said with great confidence that was the easiest thing to take care of. I have been having more and more attacks in the past few weeks than I ever have before. But Kyle knows that he married the crazy housewife and he is still in love with me despite it all.

I need to learn that I am not Supermom. No matter how hard I try. I have 2 special needs kids that happen to be twins that are only 16 months old. I also have a 9 year old who is brilliant and wise beyond his years. I have a loving husband who works full time and goes to school full time. I can only be one person at a time, and I can only take it one minute at a time. I am slowly learning that.

But as of lately... I have learned that there is so much in His word that can help me. SO every morning I pray, as soon as I open my eyes. I pray all day long. I pray right before I go to bed. I pray sometimes even when I don't know why I am praying. Mostly I just talk to God. But it is good for my soul. It keeps me close to Him.