Hungry

Lord I am so hungry. Hungry for what is in your word. Hungry for what you have in store for me. I see my life before me, what has happened in the past. What is happening right now. What I am about to do. I am constantly stopping myself now, is it for You Father? It is so hard for me. To go from what I was to be a complete follower Lord. But I am so hungry. I don't think I have ever been so hungry. I opened my bible this morning after I woke up to see if Adam had school. No one else was awake but Adam and I. I opened it to 2 Corinthians 12:7 and I followed it through to verse 10.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Oh Lord you know me all to well. But that is what is so wonderful. God knows everything there is to know about you. There is nothing in this world that you can hide from him, no matter how hard you try. When we pray, we should be finding our way to God, not trying to get what we want from him each and every time we pray. Each one of us has a clean slate, because God has cast our sins as far as the East is to the West. He wants you to talk to Him. He wants you to know that he is there to be your best friend.
So Lord, thank you for letting me be hungry. Thank you Lord for making me realize that I am hungry. Lord, I hope that many others I know and that read this blog can be just as hungry as I am Father, because you are the bread of life. John 6:35
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

Breaking free from our addictions

So lately I have been watching Joyce Meyer, if I cannot get that one on one time with my Bible. I came across a youtube link where she is talking about emotional healing but she said something that is sticking with me this week…….Trust requires that we have unanswered questions.–ugh…I am a momma I want know why it happened, how it works, what the conclusion will be, show me the outcome before I start…..its just me I like to KNOW!!! I am a tad OCD as you all that are close to me know. But I am not OCD about washing my hands, cleaning my house, reading my Bible, or seeking God, but about analyzing EVERYTHING….to a point that it becomes a complete sickness….but I have never thought that it was an addiction just how I was built.
BUT OMG I am addicted to over thinking, reasoning, analyzing….all those things and more. I am one of those people that does not retain information well, and when you say something and I have no clue what it is I will run to Google and find out everything I can about it. Just like with God I want to know everything I can. I am in the process of reading 3 different books, I love the Bible (I headed out yesterday to buy yet another one, The Message so I can understand it better), but with God he leaves us with a very few questions….so we will have to trust and have faith in Him for the rest of the story. For me it has been really hard to put all my trust in the things I don’t know or can’t see. I am just that kind of person. I have not had very trusting relationships in the past. I was talking with a good friend earlier and I told her I think that this is how God made me, He built me this way for a particular reason and no I don’t know why and never will but that's how I was built.
But Joyce answered my problem in that youtube video, she said – We don’t live by explanations we live by the promises of God. In the Bible there are millions of promises that God has made to each and every one of us. So now that I have an answer, a way to be free from my addiction I am going try - try my hardest to just read those promises and trust God.
God knows the whole story and as hard as it is for me to just sit back and read it before jumping to the end I am going go through each chapter one by one and quit trying to jump to the conclusion. Gods work is perfect and more than I can ever do and when or if He wants me to know he will reveal what He wants to my heart. With that I just want to pray for my addictions and yours too whatever they may be.
Gracious Father, Thank You for being the Awesome God full of promises that our minds cannot even imagine. Thank you Father that you give us all weak spots in our lives Lord because those weaknesses give us more reason to draw near to you because you Lord are Perfect and can heal us of our weakness, our addictions, and our sickness. Lord thank you that in Your healing You make us new and give us all a need and a stronger for You in our lives God. And Father I pray for those who are petrified to come onto you with fear that they are not worthy Lord I pray that they would see that You want us all Lord as we are because You will heal us and renew our broken spirits and put us back together just as You want us Father….. I pray that those who are scared to come to You would lay down there fear right now and ask you to break down that door into their hearts. I thank you Father each reader of this Blog that you would use it as a way to speak to the broken hearted and bring them into your love. AMEN

Grrr

So this round of blood work came up normal as well. I had my CT scan this morning, it was not as bad as I thought it would be (Thank you Amanda!). But I did have to get an IV, YUCK! I have been kind of out of it since Saturday... walking through my life just doing the pieces to get by... I can tell that I am slacking here around the house. Which does not help my depression at all. Pray... that is all I can do. Pray for answers.

More bloodwork and a CT Scan

So today I went in and with the full list of concerns the doctor did more blood work, including a red blood cell and white blood cell count. I am also scheduled to get a CT scan on Friday morning. Not only is she going to check for the intestinal issues, but I raised the concern of cancer. It runs so highly in my family that she agreed to rule me out for that uglyness as well. SO I should get the blood results back by Wednesday and the CT scan results by Monday the 19th. I will keep everyone updated as soon as I know anything.

Mis intestinos son muy confusos.

Jan 5th - My blood results came back completely normal?! The doctor is really confused. So she is going to call me back tomorrow with a scheduled time for an ultrasound.

Jan 7th - I go early tomorrow morning for my ultra sound...

Jan 8th - They did a full abdominal scan this morning - hooray for no babies lol. The radiologist will read the scans and I will here back in 24-48 hours. It was funny to go and not see little guys swimming around in my belly. But them scanning around looked so different than when they scanned me for the twins. It was all foreign.

Jan 9th - I got my results earlier this afternoon. I have had one of those down and out days so I have been laying down most of the afternoon/evening. The scan came back normal. The only concern is there is gas somewhere in my abdominal cavity. I had only talked to my doctors assistant so everything is pretty unclear. I go tomorrow at 11:30 to go over the results.

Jan 10th - So today I found out that the gas was not in my abdominal cavity. It is in my intestines. Predominantly and heavily on my right side. She is having me come in again on Monday so we can do more blood work. On the top of her mind right now is Inflammatory bowel disease. It refers to two main diseases, Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's Disease. It would explain the constant pain and the stabbing pain when I move, diarrhea, why my GERD has gotten much worse, and fatigue. So hopefully we will find out no later than Wednesday if we can rule these two out or if this will be my fate. If these are not the problems, then she will do a CAT scan to see what is going on with my bowels. So thank you for your on going prayers. I greatly appreciate it.