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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Thank you

thank you...for making my life a living hell...for making things 10 times harder on me than they should have been...for telling me i could never do it...for depending on me to do everything for you..for showing me that the only thing i could depend on you for was to be undependable...for expecting me to drop everything that was important to me so that you could do whatever you wanted...for making me feel selfish for wanting to do something for myself...for making me feel like im doing something wrong by making something of my life...like its my job to clean up your mess...thanks for never realizing that everything you do affects me...like im a robot without emotions programmed to take everything you have to dish out and it never phase me...i was just a child and you wanted so much out of me...i wasnt allowed any mistakes in life...i had to keep us together...i had to keep you from falling apart while i was crumbling myself...here i am an adult partially trapped in the childhood that i never got to live out...did you honestly not see what you were doing to me? or was it that you just didnt care?...could you not take the focus off of yourself for 5 seconds to help me? to let me know that part of me was good enough...good enough for you to love...im sure you did deep down...at least thats what ill tell myself...you just didnt know how to show it...which in return has made it almost impossible for me to show it to other people i care about...oh sorry...did you think my life was perfect up until this point? is that why you worked so hard to make my life just as miserable as yours? dont think im looking for sympathy or a handout...i dont need it anymore...this really was me thanking you...you made me stronger than ever...you pushed me to my knees where i found God...i guess in a way i have you to thank for my faith...you also made me appreciate the wonderful people that God has placed in my life...you showed me what NOT to do...i can learn from your mistakes so i dont have to make so many of my own...so thank you,without you i wouldnt be the person i am today.

3 comments:

snelson's said...

wow girl!!! that one left me kinda speechless!!!! i've got prayers coming your way, too, and even though i didn't comment on your last post, i've been praying for you since then, too! loves and hugs!

erin richardson said...

ventilation = good thing. good for you. i love you, sis!

Mom to 5...Daughter of the King said...

bravo