Thursday, November 15, 2007

I am awake

I woke up suddenly and unexpectedly. I blinked a few times, indiscriminately and wiped the sleep from my childlike eyes. I espied a place I had never seen before. It was, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life. I saw, in every direction, and as far as my weary eyes could see, the most brightly colored and rich, green grass, the most amazingly vivid blue sky, and the most scattered, yet perfectly placed, hue of various flowers, the names of which I could only assume were too long and tiresome to remember. Now, considering the fact that I had clearly never seen this place before in my life, and also considering the fact that I do not typically fall asleep in large, open grasslands, you can see how it was not out of the ordinary that I might feel the need to question why or how I got here. But no, I hadn't the slightest intention of questioning my existence here for fear that it would be stripped of me, and I was most certainly not ready to leave yet. Not without taking it all in.

This place was unlike any place on earth, and although I had never been to every place on earth, I was still confident that there was none like this. I am sure that there were many places that looked similar enough in physicality and color, but there was something deeper about this place. It had love for me. It never admitted it to me, but it didn't have to because it was plain as day. A gentle breeze poked my sternum and dared me to fall back. I obliged, and I did so with my eyes closed, cheeks spread with smiles, and my arms wide leaving my heart free for the taking. As I fell I could only relate the time it took to fall to lifetimes, not seconds, minutes, hours, or days. I didn't care to doubt my soft landing because how can this place let me be hurt? It wasn't possible for such a kind heart which this place kept safe and buried in its chest. I will feel its beat and dance to it soon enough, singing softly and beautifully as I do so.

This place lifted each and every blade of green grass to embrace me as I landed and snuggled with the earth. I was cradled like a baby in this place. So in love with something that I couldn't necessarily squeeze or understand, but that was okay because I had faith. It read my mind well, this place did. When I would shiver, it shone its sun on my naked body and clothed me in love and warmth. When I would sweat, it would mail short soft breezes riding on each other until they swirled around me enough times to cool me down. There was no room for insecurities here.

I almost needn't ever open my eyes to see the beauty of this place, because sometimes the blind are the only ones who can see. I didn't have to look at its colors or textures. All I had to do was lay in trust.

I would count the days until I can truly meet "this place," but what's the point when time is not an issue to me? Time is just a way for the pessimist to assign complaints to dates and spread his pessimism, which is why I believe God works not in time, but in love. And although we need time, as it is our template for understanding our world, I feel it doesn't hold meaning when compared to the true beauty of the heart. I'm so sick of waiting for time to come around and grant me my wishes. This place is so much to me. I won't let time interfere, nor will I let distance, because distance doesn't exist when I'm here in this place. The aestheticism of this place is not comparable to anything I have ever seen, touched, heard, smelled, or tasted. This place was made for me and I, it. Here, I am home and I don't have to wait on time to do its dirty work. No...In this place, time is the one who shall wait.

It seems the whole while I was asleep; this place was awake thinking of me. Wishing for me. Shaping itself to fit me, so that I can now say, "I belong here with you."


Erin said...

Because I am not permitted to comment on the above post, I will do so here: COMMENT. In other words, feel the love (see post below) and so glad you are well-situated in the love of God, who strengthens each and every one of us, his favorite beautiful children.