Thinking...

So now there is a new tattoo show... it is called London Ink. Now that makes 3. L.A. Ink and Miami Ink being the other 2. In watching these shows I listen to the guests who are getting tattoos done, and they explain why they are getting these tattoos and what they represent. The first time I was inked was a spur of the moment thing... a few friends were getting one done and I happened to be there and thought "Hey this is a good idea". Well it being a basement job and not very well thought out that made for a dangerous mix. Then there was someone who was not happy with the fact that I got a tattoo. I was made to start getting a laser treatments to get it removed. OUCH! I have only had one treatment and now it is a faded grayish blue color and not very attractive. Not that it was very attractive to begin with.


I thought when I got it "Oh how cute it is a fairy and she is sitting... I can have her sit on my shoulder." UGH stupid teenager. Ink is supposed to be permanent.

I plan on getting it covered with this a portrait.....

Of my mother. This is very fitting, since she is the one that is really sitting on my shoulder, my guardian angel.

I miss you mom. Yesterday was a pretty hard day. It was 7 years to the day from when you had your aneurysm. That was the day my heart started to drop. My feelings started to go away. When my hatred set in. I became a person I never wanted to be. I was mean to everyone around me, I blamed God. I blamed myself. What if I would of left him like you told me to? Would you of not been so stressed, and possibly not gotten sick? Why did it take me 8 years to realize what he had become? I constantly thought "Did I create this monster? Am I the reason he has so much hatred?".

But, mother if I would of left him years ago, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't have Kyle, I wouldn't have these two beautiful men, Adam wouldn't be the man he is becoming. I wouldn't have God in my heart. God was the one who made me realize I was not the one who made him a monster, I am not the reason he has so much hatred. The devil is the reason. His lack of faith is the reason. Not me...... not me.