Friday, May 9, 2008

When I thought my patience had been stretched to thin

For some reason today my patience has been stretched very very thin. I have been snapping for no reason and frustrated at God knows what. I figured after I fed the boys their bottles at 3:30 I would take a nap to shake it off. HA! Nap in this house are you kidding me? So, I laid the boys down and changed the t.v. to something I wouldn't be interested in so I could catch some shut eye. I swear these boys are so stinking intuitive... as soon as they feel someones eye lids closing... they need to paid attention too... they want you to know "HEY I AM STILL HERE MOM!" So as I said frustrated I get up, turn Nate over back to his belly and pat his back and ask him kindly to take a nap. Never mind the fact that he is rolling over... I have taken that for granted, they have been going from belly to back for a while now. But regardless... I go back and lay down and 3 minutes later Aiden starts in. Well see these boys take turns. When one is happy the other is pissy that week/day/hour what have you. That is just how they are, they have been that way since day one. Any way, I let it go... let him cry for a bit. I knew they needed naps, their poor little eye lids were so heavy they couldn't even keep them open for their bottles. Plus my head was guaranteed to start spinning like the exorcist in a few short minutes. Finally they were napping. I started to fall asleep, and knock knock knock on my door. It was Adam asking what was for dinner. Selfish me was thinking 'Dinner are you kidding me? It is only 4:30.' I quietly told him that we were having whatever sandwiches and he could help himself. A few questions and a few more door knocks, the boys woke up. Furious for who knows what reason I get up and make a sandwich for myself and start bottles. I sat down at the computer and started my random music player of music and on pops Unfailing Love by (the amazingly hot) Chris Tomlin. I of course don't think of anything of it. I grab Nate and he was happy with not eating yet so I plopped him in his johnny jumper which is his favorite thing at the moment, and I grabbed Aiden and changed his diaper and sat down here at the computer and started feeding him and sifting through my inbox on yahoo. The verse 'How beautiful is your unfailing love' comes on and by this time Aiden had knock his bottle away from his mouth 2-3 times and i was getting a little peeved. But then I look down and see Aiden fixed on his hands that are tightly clinching his bottle that he had screamed for. He was just trying to take the bottle in and out of his mouth, seeing how it works. He was trying so hard to figure this small thing out. He was learning something that seems so simple but is so hard for them right in front of my eyes. 'Everything you hold in your hand still you make time for me I can't understand. Praise you God of Earth and sky how beautiful is your unfailing love' He goes on to sing 'You are my rock. The one I hold on to. You are my song. And I sing for You' By this time I am in tears. Songs speak to me in many ways these days. I find hidden meanings in almost everything. God was having Chris sing this song for me at that moment. Letting me know that Aiden knows my love is unfailing for him. Everything I hold in my hands, even though sometimes they are over flowing with too many things to hold, I still make time for him. I am these boys rocks, they hold on to me for so many reasons. They were not supposed to make it, but they did. God has big plans for these boys I can just feel it. God thank you for coming and putting words into my ears and a song in my heart when I need it most.